The Complete Guide to Newbies
(courtesy Druid)

In my studies of newbie behaviouhoiuoiuiour I have
discovered that they typically fall into one or more of
the following categories...

Spammers
By far the most common or at least most noticed
newbies, spammers are adept at over 30 different
offensive socials which can be used in conjunction
with each other to result in LOTS OF FUCKING SPAM.
As soon as they enter the game they type wear all
which one could just about stand if it wasnt for
the 'put all backpack' where half the eq on the mud
seems to go into this seemingly infinite container.
Spammers favourite channels seem to be gossip,
music and for the higher level spammers, shout.

Losers
They cant spell, cant type, dont understand what you
mean, think that the whole world is against them just
cos one person said, no i wont take you on an xp run
and generally whine a lot on gossip or auction.
When they want something you are the coolest person
on the planet, the rest of the time they hate you
and wished you were dead and arent gonna play anymore
yet they still freakin well come back and guess what?
They are sorry, again.

Cursers
Often mistaken for spammers these type of newbies
sometimes work in pairs or even 3's. They use the
first name of the person they are referring to and
simply dont understand the usage of tells no matter
how many times you tell them. A common line of
gossip would be "Brad you faggiut, i slept with your
mom go pk so i can kick your fucking ass you fagit"
(No offence to anyone called Brad btw)

Questionatives
What more do i need to say except...
Druid, Will you take me on an xp run?
Druid, can you get me some more eq?
Druid, can you tell me where the imperial city is?
Druid, can you enchant my eq?
Druid, can you get my corpse from the baker?
Druid, can you heal me?
Druid, can you cast detect invis on me?
Druid, can you tell X to stop bugging me?
Druid, Are you busy?
Druid, Can i ask you something?
Druid, Can i have 5 million gold?
Druid, Can i join kindred?

I really could go on for ever, i might do a 101
things they ask later. The most annoying type of
this category is the one that says hi, and asks
you how you are etc, i prefer the ones that just
ask the question straight out.<br>

Level 30 Newbies
These are the result of the above newbies after
years of getting people to take them on xp runs
and get them eq etc. Not surprisingly they retain
their former newbie charachteristics but can usually
be found following dual 30's around in the hopes of
getting some good eq. One day they might just find
the vikings by themselves or something and realise
that they dont have to act like a newbie anymore and
can do stuff for themselves.

Cool Newbies
Unfortunately these are so rare, and the ones we do
get often go un-noticed in the sea of spammers etc.
This type of newbie always trys to get that piece of
eq themsleves, or reads the help pages before asking
a question. They make mistakes sometimes and get
shouted at but they take it as part of the learning
process and dont make that mistake again. It is
a damn pity that i can name many more spammers etc
than i can cool newbies but thats the way of the
world i guess, oh and cool newbies dont stay newbies
for long :)

Bored Newbies
Almost forgot. This type is a pretty wide category.
Since they are so bored they tend to do the most
assholish things imaginable. Some arent in fact proper
newbies, they are fairly old players in the guise of
a level 0 char with a stupid name. They loot corpses,
harrass people with tells, Threaten to hack dentins
computer, offend people over public channels with
racism, sexual harrasment, some stupid shot at how
us mudders have no life wheras if they are doing that
they must in fact have less of a life than us and
generally anything to get attention and relieve their
boredom. If you know 1 of these gits IRL beat the crap
out of em then ask if they are still bored.